"This hurts so bad," is what I think to myself for the first few classes I took for yoga.
My instructor, a soft spoken Chinese lady with a comforting smile, came around to place a block underneath my back.
"How are you holding up, Alia?"
Struggling to maintain my breath, I told her every major muscles of my body hurts. It hurts so bad I was about ready to give up.
"You do just fine, this bridge is gonna make you a better runner." Then off she went to correct the posture of another yogi.
We were running uphill when my friend begged me to stop.
"I don't know what you're doing, girl…but you seem to pick up the pace nowadays," he bend forward, put both hands on his knees and curse under his breath. "I don't think I enjoy running with you anymore; you're getting way too fast!"
Last class for the month. I have been waking up with sore back and tired arms. My instructor noted how much I have improved for the last 2 months.
I told her I'm moving out of town by next month and I will not be attending her classes anymore.
"Well I hope you continue practicing since now you roughly know all the basic poses. Plenty of youtube videos to further improve your posture and poses, yeah?"
The first day I roll out my yoga mat at my new place, it feels terrifying. I have never done yoga on my own and need guides to do it. But I keep pushing through the worst of it.
Even doing this pose above makes my neck cranes uncomfortably and my spine feels like it's gonna snap anytime.
I texted my instructor from time to time looking for tips and advice. She told me if I persist, time will be on my side and I will do better.
Gotta have faith in yourself once in a while, that's what she told me.
Today I woke up without alarms. The first thing my mind wanders to is, today I gotta run.
I haven't been running a lot but every time I do it, my breathing slows down to a rate where even when I push, the faster my legs carry me forward.
I do not panic anymore in the whirlwind of things moving too fast and life getting on your nerves.
The past few weeks my arms were less sore and my shoulder doesn't hurt as much when I push myself to go faster. I texted my instructor after my run and told her that I have been progressing with yoga to a point where doing sirsasana is considered as relaxing after a hard run.
Me, closing my eyes and letting my mind calms down after solo run.
She applauds me for my courage to hold steady in that pose. She asked if I have been feeling less worry about the world? Has my run been keeping me back from discovering the best part of myself? Has yoga makes me a state of mindful being?
I told her "my run and yoga goes hand in hand; it's like going to war with running but coming back home to a comforting family with yoga."
So she ended the conversation by saying "you've reached the peak of yourself, when you don't prioritized over just one thing and have now similar level of worries with everything. You have learned to move on and get going."
